The sweetness of her voice carried over the phone as we discussed a time to meet. I could hear unspoken nerves waivering through. She’s working through something, I thought to myself. I wonder what her story is.

“I would never do this for myself.”

— Tia

Sitting across from each other for the first time, I could see Tia was finding a way to express exactly why she was there. “I would never do this for myself,” the words escaping her lips like the carbonation from an untapped bottle of soda. “I’m doing this for my boyfriend. He’s good to me - he’s too good to me.” Her fingers twisted her ring as she continued. “He thinks I’m beautiful. I’ve never thought I was - but he does and he wants nice pictures of me, pretty pictures. He wants me to see my pretty.”

A gentle smile overtaking my face, I was delighted she had the courage to meet with me. I could see what her boyfriend saw, the gentleness in her eyes, the warm glow of her skin, a sweet and nurturing spirit beaming from her. You could tell she loved the people in her life fiercely.

”How do you want to see yourself?” I asked, leaning in to hear her answer.

She stammered for a moment, not quite sure how to answer.

”It’s okay. Take your time. It’s a tough question to answer.”

Tia laughed nervously.

Her blue eyes studied me intently. ”I want to feel good about myself. I want to look young and fresh - how I feel inside. I want to see how Tom sees me. I want to see I’m beautiful.” Her answer was monotone but earnest.

”What makes someone beautiful to you?” I prompted, further delving into how she may want to get to know herself.

The sun began to set behind the treeline as she began to answer. A ray of light splayed across her golden hair as she said “Oh, I don’t know. I think when people are happy. I think Happy is beautiful.”

The soft smile on my face grew. “I like that. When are you happiest?”

Tia went on to explain how Tom made her feel, how she’d been in difficult relationships before with people who always wanted more or better from her even when she was trying her hardest. Her cheeks flushed as she talked about how he treated her like a princess, how he loved her and doted on her and how she couldn’t believe she’d met someone who cherished her. It made her start to feel differently about herself, a change I could even see unfolding right in front of my eyes as her shoulders relaxed and her face became more animated as she talked about her time with Tom.

She was ready to start loving herself.

My youtube channel makes some interesting suggestions sometimes. Most of the time it suggests diy projects, photography, Ellen, sharks and acrylic pours. It also occasionally suggests uplifting content. Most recently, one of the "What Would You Do" videos, headlined "Teen Wanting to Look Whiter," popped up. Heart strings tugged and interest in this social experiment drew me in.

In the video, two young black girls are discussing skin bleaching. The girls are actors attempting to instigate reactions from the surrounding people. Unfamiliar with these practices and unfamiliar with cultural standards, I really wasn't sure which direction these reactions would go.

The more responses that were shared, the larger the lump in my throat grew. This one gentleman compassionately responded how I wish anyone would respond to any person dealing with an insecurity or pressure like this.

"You don't think you're fine just the way you are?" After explaining his own experience with his aunts' skin bleaching and cautioning them about safety, he shared a beautiful perspective.

"See, there's different shades of beauty."

That sums it up right there. Beauty isn't just one thing or one type of person. Beauty is more than can be put on a box or a magazine cover and sold.

As a photographer, I see this struggle for self value and confidence in many of my clients. As a woman, as a human, I see these same struggles in myself. While my struggles were different than what the video is about, I wish I'd met someone with this compassion who could have shared with me what this man shared with these girls. No one should feel like they are “less than.”

This video, this story, goes to show how much we can impact each other - how much we influence each other's understanding of value and of beauty. Be kind with your words and actions, Friends.

As you go forward today, friend, know that you are perfect just the way you were created and, above all, know that you are loved.

(You can watch his whole interaction starting at 3:06 if you want. He does go on to share some other meaningful and compassionate insight.)

Social experiment focused on the standards of beauty when it comes to skin color | Skin bleaching | self value | beauty standards | self confidence | self hate | body issues | identity | young girls believing they’re worthless

“I want to be me. Take me as I am.”

— Jill

A warmness emanates from Jill. She’s such a grounded, sweet person. Over the course of a year and a half, our paths crossed here and there while she was in yoga teacher training at the K10 Yoga CoOp that's located inside of Jasper & Fern. She was always smiling or in this quiet, reflective space. No matter where she was personally though, she always greeted me with a kind smile, occasionally exchanging hiking stories, body acceptance journeys and, every once in a while she'd say "I need to talk with you about pictures." The more I got to know her and the more she shared about her journey, the more I wanted to photograph her and looked forward to her reaching out.

Then she told me, "I'm turning 50. I need to do this."

The day was cold and bitter. I didn't much feel like doing anything besides curling up in a cozy blanket and sleeping. Yet, Jill came in with her warmth glowing and an excited but nervous smile. We sat on the couch beginning to chat and she extended her heart.

"I don't want to be something that I'm not," she said as we discussed the vision for her portrait session. She shared about her body acceptance journey - going from 300 pounds to fluctuating as she let go of the weight. She shared about her love for herself overall, not just with weight but with appreciating who she is and everything she brought to the table. Plus, she was coming up on her birthday and knew this would be the perfect way to celebrate her tremendous personal growth and her love of her strong body.

You see, she's a natural beauty, Jill. She has this way about her that reveals her confidence and tenderness as if she were letting you in on a secret. She has the kindest of souls and the warmest of smiles. We wanted to capture the free-flowing nature she had been working so hard to achieve, the fun bounce in her curls, the depth of her eyes and - of course - the warmth of her smile. And so, we sat in the space as friends, making space for her unfold in front of the camera.

UNCOMFORTABLE, that's the description I hear most often when people come in to have their photograph taken. It's incredibly common to not like being in front of a camera. Whether it's because you feel fat, old, ugly, tired or what-have-you [insert your own reason here], having your portrait made can be unpleasant.

You are not alone. Based on my own experience with clients, I'd say 9 out of 10 people are uncomfortable having their photograph taken. Even I am uncomfortable in front of the camera. One of my biggest fears is looking fat in photos and not looking like the real me (whether that's looking too good or too bad - although I don't mind the "too good" as much). 

Take this photograph, for instance. This is a VERY recent photograph and, oh my gosh, I HATE it. I look dopey, ghostly, have no jaw line and look chunkier than I feel I actually am. I have no eyebrows or eyes and I feel like a big pile of gross blah. I. Feel. Ugly.

My husband even, once I told him I really wanted to untag myself in the photo, said he contemplated untagging me because it's not how I look in real life. Like, it's a BAD, BAD photograph - and it's out there for the world to see, thanks to social media.

Now, I've had uncomplimentary photographs before and I've been working on being comfortable getting past my own vanity and appreciating the moment and the people I'm sharing the memory with. This latest picture is definitely testing my self-appreciation methods though. I'm attempting to be thankful for the humbling reminder to keep my vanity in check and always do my best to represent who my clients truly are. While I might look uglier in photos than I see myself, I am choosing to focus my attention on remembering that I love the people in this photograph and the time together this photo represents.

While there is little we can do about the quality of the photographs shared and tagged on social media by other people, any time you have photographs made with a photographer, you can always open a dialogue with them. I want to know your insecurities. I want to know which side is your favorite. I want to know what you are learning to like about yourself. I want to know all of these things so that I can be sensitive to where you are at and capture you in the best light, as the best representation of you.

It's natural and normal to feel uncomfortable in front of a camera. It is normal to have fears and insecurities; and, it is expected that, at a vulnerable time like when you're having your portrait made, your uncomfortable feelings may come out. Just remember you're not alone, your opinions about yourself matter and I'm going to do my best to photograph the most beautiful version of you.