I’ve often rejected the cultural use of the word “photogenic.” Mostly, because this term is used negatively ninety-five percent of the time. I hear, too often, people cutting themselves down for not being photogenic, stating their face will break my camera. While I can appreciate the ease that laughing at this self depricating joke can bring, it also comes with a sensitivity. The reality of the situation is, anyone can have a bad photograph taken of them. Just as equally, everyone can look good in a photograph. The good news is that looking good in a photograph is a simple formula. Of course, I’m chuckling at using the term “simple” because there’s actually quite a bit of personal work that goes into this two step process.

The one element that makes the biggest difference is believing yourself. If you want to appear confident you have to believe in yourself. Body language and your wardrobe will help but, if you are feeling insecure, it will show up in your expression. Whatever your belief about yourself is, it will radiate through the details - be it the corner of your mouth, slight tilt of your brow, your smile not reaching your eyes, a slight falling of your muscle in your temple instead of a lift. These details have the power to transform how we appear in front of the camera. When we feel self-assured, it positively affects our body language, facial expressions, and overall demeanor, resulting in more captivating and authentic photographs.

The second element is vulnerability. In order to show up authentically, you have to be willing to let your mental walls come down. A lack of vulnerability mostly shows through muscle tension, though it can also show up in the same locations a lack of confidence will. Just check out the three photographs of me below. While this session was one of my recent favorites - because I was feeling good about myself and the results showed it - there were still moments in the session that I could see my mentality falter.

The three stages of getting my confidence to show through. The furthest left image of me shows my confidence faltering. The second shows me slightly more confident but a bit stiff because I’m not fully engaged mentally. The last photograph shows my confidence in my expression and body language.

It's essential to remember that comparing ourselves to others can be detrimental to our self-esteem. In a world where culture often showcases only highlights and successes, it's easy to fall into the trap of feeling inadequate or "less than." This makes it all the more important to recognize that we rarely know the full story behind someone's seemingly perfect “photogenic” image. Give yourself - and them - grace, remembering that we don't always see each others struggles, insecurities, or challenges we might be facing. We all have our moments of vulnerability. The next time you step in front of the camera, give yourself a pep talk, recall what you are good at and what you like about yourself. Do your best to put yourself in a positive mindset and let your confidence and authenticity shine through. Feel the relief in realizing that your strengths are not only genuine but also inspiring to others. Embrace yourself, for you are truly valuable, and your portraits will reflect the incredible person you are.

A few years ago I decided to do something that would help me grow as a photographer. I wanted to thoroughly understand what someone might be going through in front of my camera. That way, I could balance helping them feel comfortable and confident while also being “in my zone.” The best way to do that, I determined, was to be in front of the as many different photographers as I could be. It was there in my vulnerability I learned not only how to be a better photographer but about the importance of healthy boundaries.

When I first began my project, I started out with photographers I knew - keeping in my comfort zone. Then, as I grew in my confidence, I started venturing out and working with photographers I didn’t know. It was here in the realm of the unknown photographers that I met a man we’ll call Blake.

Blake was a quiet man with a gentle demeanor who happened to have a love for the horror genre. When we first talked about working together (because I ALWAYS recommend meeting with someone and talking ideas over before you officially decide to work together) I was specific about the fact that I had a few dresses I wanted to wear and was open to some more creative ideas as well but did not want to do any or much horror-esque photographs. We came to a set plan and scheduled the session.

The day of the session, I met him on location, rotated through a few outfits and then we looked through the RAW images. Once we’d selected our favorites, he asked if I wanted to do some more “horror-esque” photographs with fake blood and wearing some torn up clothing he had. I commented that it wasn’t really my cup of tea, like we discussed, but would be okay if we could brainstorm an idea we could both get behind. Ultimately, we found an idea that he was still excited about and I was feeling okay about doing. (Do you see my wavering boundaries?? Eeek - I should have acknowledged those flags going off in my brain)

As we photographed the last segment of our session - the horror-esque portion - Blake began to try and push my boundaries with the horror aspect. While I’d previously stated I didn’t want blood or anything too dark, he started to ask again if I was sure and then make slight passive aggressive remarks like “this would look MUCH better if we could do blood” and “too bad you don’t want to have more fun.” (Throw up more of those flags!!!) I began to grow uneasy and uncomfortable. I kept politely declining his asks and, finally, after he made the comment about not wanting to have more fun, I finally put my foot all the way down.

”Um, no thank you. I'm done and I’m going to go home now. Thank you for your time” I said. I remember hearing the shake and irritation in my voice. I’m not a confrontational person but I felt disregarded and like I was being manipulated. I was done being pushed to do something I was uncomfortable with and I needed to course correct and honor my original boundaries.

This experience sticks out in my mind because it happened at the stage of my life where I started to be more assertive on my own behalf. I remember how uncomfortable it was to be asked to do things I didn’t want, how small I started to feel when he disregarded my simple boundaries and how icky I felt after the whole situation. I walked away with stress bearing on my chest and guilt riding on my brain.

This experience helped me learn that I need to be assertive with my boundaries up front. I need to be kind but firm in what I say and I need to walk away more swiftly from situations where I’m not being respected - even if it’s as simple of a situation as my time with Blake. If I would have set my boundary more firmly upfront, it would have been more difficult for him to try and push me and manipulate me. I also wouldn’t have walked away feeling gross that I had been disrespected because I would have had confidence in knowing I did my part.

To this day, I still see those images on occasion and I wish I’d set my foot down earlier. Hind-sight is always 20/20 and, while the images aren’t trashy, they still pick at my brain a little. They just remind me of a time I was uncomfortable because I valued keeping someone else happy over truly sticking to who I was. In the grand scheme of it all, I’m thankful for the reminders that pop up and show me how much I’ve grown, encourage me to keep growing and reinforce how important it is to care for myself and respect myself always.

UNCOMFORTABLE, that's the description I hear most often when people come in to have their photograph taken. It's incredibly common to not like being in front of a camera. Whether it's because you feel fat, old, ugly, tired or what-have-you [insert your own reason here], having your portrait made can be unpleasant.

You are not alone. Based on my own experience with clients, I'd say 9 out of 10 people are uncomfortable having their photograph taken. Even I am uncomfortable in front of the camera. One of my biggest fears is looking fat in photos and not looking like the real me (whether that's looking too good or too bad - although I don't mind the "too good" as much). 

Take this photograph, for instance. This is a VERY recent photograph and, oh my gosh, I HATE it. I look dopey, ghostly, have no jaw line and look chunkier than I feel I actually am. I have no eyebrows or eyes and I feel like a big pile of gross blah. I. Feel. Ugly.

My husband even, once I told him I really wanted to untag myself in the photo, said he contemplated untagging me because it's not how I look in real life. Like, it's a BAD, BAD photograph - and it's out there for the world to see, thanks to social media.

Now, I've had uncomplimentary photographs before and I've been working on being comfortable getting past my own vanity and appreciating the moment and the people I'm sharing the memory with. This latest picture is definitely testing my self-appreciation methods though. I'm attempting to be thankful for the humbling reminder to keep my vanity in check and always do my best to represent who my clients truly are. While I might look uglier in photos than I see myself, I am choosing to focus my attention on remembering that I love the people in this photograph and the time together this photo represents.

While there is little we can do about the quality of the photographs shared and tagged on social media by other people, any time you have photographs made with a photographer, you can always open a dialogue with them. I want to know your insecurities. I want to know which side is your favorite. I want to know what you are learning to like about yourself. I want to know all of these things so that I can be sensitive to where you are at and capture you in the best light, as the best representation of you.

It's natural and normal to feel uncomfortable in front of a camera. It is normal to have fears and insecurities; and, it is expected that, at a vulnerable time like when you're having your portrait made, your uncomfortable feelings may come out. Just remember you're not alone, your opinions about yourself matter and I'm going to do my best to photograph the most beautiful version of you.