When I was in middle school, I entered a Walmart photo contest. I was one of two participants and ended up winning a small digital camera out of it. While it was awkward to have been only one of two contestants, it was exciting to have my photographs acknowledged by someone outside the circle of my friends and family. 

Not long after this contest, I won a photography contest for a North Carolina conservationist group and had my very first publication in Our State Magazine. Then, I stopped entering contests - stuck in imposter syndrome, fearing a failure that would confirm my recognitions had been flukes. After all, I told myself, maybe there weren't very many people entering these contests - just like the Walmart contest.

My head became my enemy.

I continued photographing what I loved while simultaneously growing more and more apprehensive anytime people enjoyed my work.

The last time I ever entered a contest was for a college scholarship. I felt like a fish out of water, competing beside my soon-to-be classmates - who appeared WAY more competent than me. 

This insecurity (among others) is something I'd battled for a very long time. I held myself back, lost out on positions and opportunities because I didn't believe in myself. It was eating at me until the day I flunked my photography class.

Yes, I flunked a photography class. On the spot, in fact, in the middle of a critique. This moment, however, was pivotal in my photography career and personal life.

On this day, I stood up for myself and my work, defending it against a photo professor (thus the subsequent flunking) I had put my heart and hard work into the pieces I created. They were starkly different than my peers, yet I'd managed to stick to the assignment while also being creatively me - and that made me love my photographs all the more.

Standing there, defending my photographs, I stood taller than I had in a long time. From that moment forward, I began to regain my confidence in my work and value my perspective as a creative.

Still, I refrained from entering contests. Until recently, that is. There's a global photography contest held every year and I decided this was my year to give it a go. With 100,000 people involved from 160.countries, 583,000 photographs submitted and 100+ million votes cast, I was curious to see where I finished. 

In the end, I was thrilled with my results. Out of the 49 photographs I entered, 2 of my photographs were finalists, 2 were in the top 10%, 3 were in the top 20% and 5 were in the top 30%. 

Revisiting the experience of entering contests, putting myself forth to be judged, was still awkward. Instead of shrinking back though, this has been a humbling encouragement and a kind reminder to believe in myself.

Fresh snowfall on the Coffee Park Airstream on a quiet Winston-Salem winter night. Soft fluffy snowflakes falling, lit by the warm street lamps.

| Winston-Salem Creative Photographer | Jasper & Fern

A portrait for dancer Anna, depicting her grace and form kept simple in monochrome tones, her stuff tutu and graceful limbs creating the illusion of a flower | Winston-Salem Dance Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Conceptual Portrait depicting the beauty and solemnity of depression | Winston-Salem Creative Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Reverse perspective pink flower in a rain puddle, a creative piece by head photographer Alyson | Winston-Salem Creative Photographer | Jasper & Fern

A beauty portrait for ballet dancer Anna, depicting her grace and form | Winston-Salem Dance Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Portrait of Raven, golden velvets and silks accentuating the glow of her skin and warmth in her gaze. | Winston-Salem Women’s Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Promotional image created for Juxtaposition Studio’s showcase. A dancer focuses on form and elegance, her white ballet skirt flowing in contrast with the billowing red smoke surrounding her | Winston-Salem Brand Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Portrait of hair and makeup artist Hannah Dezarn | Winston-Salem Women’s Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Birthday Celebration portrait for Chandni | Winston-Salem Women’s Photographer | Jasper & Fern

A portrait for dancer and Juxtaposition Studio owner, Kay, at Frogholler Lavendar Farm | Winston-Salem Dance Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Business Portrait for massage therapist, Laura, her purple hair accentuated by the colorful books surrounding her. | Winston-Salem Business and Brand Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Conceptual Portrait depicting the beauty and solemnity of depression | Winston-Salem Creative Photographer | Jasper & Fern

Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Had as much of you as I can take
I'm so done, so over being afraid

I've gone through the motions
I've been back and forth
I know that you're thinking you've heard this before
I don't know how to say it
So I'm just gonna say it, yeah

Fear, you don't own me
There ain't no room in this story
And I ain't got time for you
Telling me what I'm not
Like you know me well guess what?
I know who I am
I know I'm strong
And I am free
Got my own identity
So fear, you will never be welcome here

Take a minute, let it settle in
You probably never saw it coming
Something's gotta give so I give up you, oh
There's no room for you here
Yeah, I've had enough
The "No Vacancy" sign on my heart is lit up
In case you didn't hear it
Here it is again,

Oh, fear, you don't own me
There ain't no room in this story
And I ain't got time for you
Telling me what I'm not
Like you know me well guess what?
I know who I am
I know I'm strong
And I am free
Got my own identity
So fear, you will never be welcome here

Is there anybody out there just like me?
Anybody needing fear to leave?
If you don't know how to say it
Sing along with me

Sing fear, you don't own me
There ain't no room in this story
And I ain't got time for you
Telling me what I'm not
Like you know me well guess what?
I know who I am
I know I'm strong, brave
And I am free
Got my own identity
So fear, you will never be welcome here
Whoa, goodbye, goodbye fear
Whoa, you will never be welcome here

 

Francesca Battistelli - The Breakup Song
Songwriters: Bart Millard / David Garcia / Francesca Battistelli
The Breakup Song lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

UNCOMFORTABLE, that's the description I hear most often when people come in to have their photograph taken. It's incredibly common to not like being in front of a camera. Whether it's because you feel fat, old, ugly, tired or what-have-you [insert your own reason here], having your portrait made can be unpleasant.

You are not alone. Based on my own experience with clients, I'd say 9 out of 10 people are uncomfortable having their photograph taken. Even I am uncomfortable in front of the camera. One of my biggest fears is looking fat in photos and not looking like the real me (whether that's looking too good or too bad - although I don't mind the "too good" as much). 

Take this photograph, for instance. This is a VERY recent photograph and, oh my gosh, I HATE it. I look dopey, ghostly, have no jaw line and look chunkier than I feel I actually am. I have no eyebrows or eyes and I feel like a big pile of gross blah. I. Feel. Ugly.

My husband even, once I told him I really wanted to untag myself in the photo, said he contemplated untagging me because it's not how I look in real life. Like, it's a BAD, BAD photograph - and it's out there for the world to see, thanks to social media.

Now, I've had uncomplimentary photographs before and I've been working on being comfortable getting past my own vanity and appreciating the moment and the people I'm sharing the memory with. This latest picture is definitely testing my self-appreciation methods though. I'm attempting to be thankful for the humbling reminder to keep my vanity in check and always do my best to represent who my clients truly are. While I might look uglier in photos than I see myself, I am choosing to focus my attention on remembering that I love the people in this photograph and the time together this photo represents.

While there is little we can do about the quality of the photographs shared and tagged on social media by other people, any time you have photographs made with a photographer, you can always open a dialogue with them. I want to know your insecurities. I want to know which side is your favorite. I want to know what you are learning to like about yourself. I want to know all of these things so that I can be sensitive to where you are at and capture you in the best light, as the best representation of you.

It's natural and normal to feel uncomfortable in front of a camera. It is normal to have fears and insecurities; and, it is expected that, at a vulnerable time like when you're having your portrait made, your uncomfortable feelings may come out. Just remember you're not alone, your opinions about yourself matter and I'm going to do my best to photograph the most beautiful version of you.