Today, a specific sentiment sits on my heart heavier than usual.
All of us have something we don't like about ourselves. We hide it, mask it, put concealer over it, wear certain clothes and colors because of it. We are hyper aware of what WE see in the mirror staring back at us. It can be SO HARD for us to see the beauty in ourselves that others so readily see.
I believe there's still a wide-eyed little kid tied to our self confidence no matter how old we get and they're listening to every word we say - unquestioningly.
In my position as a photographer, I hear those snide remarks masked as coy humor. I feel the pain behind your words knowing full well we just try to make the best of what we see as ugly. Because there's a deep, old pain of my own - a pain that told a little girl she'd never be as pretty as her sisters (or brother), a pain that told a little girl she looked like a bulldog, a pain that told a little girl no one would ever love her or see her as pretty because she was too pale, too ordinary, too fat, too awkward, too boyish, too toothy, too mundane, too grotesque.
I hear those jokes you make about yourself too and I hurt because I know you believe the lies and the little kid that's still inside of you hears those sentiments with unquestioning ears and I know, I just know, that they believe those lies too.
I want my space to be a safe space where you can talk about anything, share your struggles and confide your insecurities in me. But I also want to pull your mean sentiments out and hug them until they stop kicking and screaming and scratching and snarling and give in to the fact that you are loved EXACTLY as you are.
I wish you to know on an intrinsic level that you are beautiful, wonderfully designed and LOVED. 💞
As a photographer, I can tell you that I can get a bad picture of anyone just like I can get a good photograph of anyone. It's a matter of timing, intention and perspective. Just recall that viral photograph from a few years back of Beyonce performing where she was caught in an intense awkward face and every single muscle and vein in her body was on high alert. It wasn’t the most flattering, right? And that’s my point. Anyone, even Beyonce, can wind up with bad photographs of themselves - so don't discount how you may look in photographs. Sometimes all it takes is the right person Seeing you and knowing how to capture what you love about yourself.⠀
Winston-Salem Beauty Photographer | Women's Portraiture | Jasper & Fern
“pho·to·gen·ic
/ˌfōdəˈjenik/
adjective
adjective: photogenic
1. (especially of a person) looking attractive in photographs or on film.
”a photogenic child””
“Photogenic.” I hear this word all the time as a portrait photographer. It implies a natural beauty that always looks gorgeous no matter what lighting or angle or mood. I’m here to tell you that being photogenic is a myth - or, more specifically, a misconstrued idea.
As a photographer, I can tell you that I can get a bad picture of anyone just like I can get a good photograph of anyone. Just recall that viral photograph from a few years back of Beyonce performing where she was caught in an intense awkward face and every single muscle and vein in her body was on high alert. It wasn’t the most flattering, right? And that’s my point. Anyone, even Beyonce, can wind up with bad photographs of themselves.
Now, we’ve only addressed the first portion of what it means to be photogenic. In fact, if this idea was a photograph, we’d still be sitting with it in the Developer. It hasn’t moved to the Rinse or the Fix yet.
Let’s not ignore the secondary definition of photogenic as it pertains to biology - “BIOLOGY (of an organism or tissue) producing or emitting light.”
I. Love. This. Definition.
Why? Because photography, back before the first camera was invented - the whole idea behind photography - and then with the very first photograph ever taken - photography, is simply capturing light.
The whole reason photography works is because of light. Without light, there is no photography. Without getting too geeky (because, this science really gets me excited), here’s where I’m coming from.
We are all organisms - made of living tissue. All organisms and tissue, all matter, is made of atoms and energy; they emit and reflect lightwaves which is where colors come from. The different frequencies of light and how they are reflected by or absorbed by an object determines the colors that are visible.
We are all biological creatures producing or emitting light.
Have you ever watched someone who was sad laugh at a joke? Have you ever noticed the “pregnancy glow?” Maybe this will may seem too “woo” but I see science : The energy at which that person’s matter is moving increases and it emits a noticeable light.
And that, right there, is why I see being photogenic as a misconstrued idea.
When your likeness, your essence is being photographed all the camera is doing is capturing the light emitted off all the objects in the camera frame.
Everyone, by the science of it, is photogenic. It’s not a standard by which to compare people or judge yourself.
Like this? You may also enjoy Beth’s story.
"I never thought this whole aging thing would affect me... but it really has. Probably because of the toxic relationship I was in - so I feel and look much older than I probably would have. I didn't take care of myself because of the stress and depression I was going through at the time. My body, skin, hair, nails, face - pretty much everything in a matter of just a few years has changed drastically. The stress didn't help." Her story resounded with a deep note in my heart, a pain I carried for years. That voice still clear in my own head "you are worthless."
You see, our brains are wired to find proof and come to conclusions. Two plus two equals four, an equation that comes to the exact same conclusion every time. Therefore, this equation, this conclusion is proof and truth. We are told "the earth is round;" We are taught foundational truths about how life works, what is important and what is unimportant. We are shown photographs, charts, personal experiences, all this data that supports the claim that we are worthless, that we are ugly, that we are less than. The more often we hear these statements and the more people we hear them from, our brain and our understanding and our beliefs accept "The Earth is round - this is fact."
“We believe that it must be true, that we are worthless and no one cares.”
When we are told time and again, "you are worthless," "you're not smart," "you're ugly," "no one cares about you," "you're a waste of space" "you're too old to be pretty" our brains begin to wire themselves to that belief system. We believe that it must be true because the equation adds up to the conclusion that we are worthless and no one cares. Our perspective and perception is influenced and we begin to act from those beliefs. For each person, the pain of not mattering looks different. It can be manifested in depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts and attempts. It can be manifested in obsessive weight gain or weight loss, plastic surgery glorification, constant appearance maintenance, appearance and action compulsion. We desperately seek to prove the conclusion wrong by altering ourselves and seeking other measures of success and worth.
As women, we are often told that we don't measure up, that we aren't capable. We are given specific standards to live up to - standards that eliminate the benefits of a diverse gender. Once we hit 27, we're no longer "pretty." Once we're in our 30's we'd better try and "rescue our youth." Once we hit 40, we're just bitter hags. Once we're 50, we're gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves. All of these standards combined with toxic environments, self doubt and insecurities leave as wanting to be more or something different and forgetting that we are wonderful creatures.
“Once we hit 27, we’re no longer “pretty.” Once we’re in our 30’s we’d better try and “rescue our youth.” Once we hit 40, we’re just bitter hags. Once we’re 50, we’re gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves.”
It can be painful and difficult to remember who we REALLY are and who we were created to be when so many factors are tearing at us. Seek out people who will surround you with love and positivity. Celebrate yourself; celebrate being you. You ARE beautiful. You have worth Embrace how you feel - the good and the bad thoughts; honor and love on those feelings and know that you are not alone, KNOW that you are loved deeply. This transformation is going to accentuate the beauty you already possess. You'll get there. Keep fighting. Keep your head up. Keep loving on you.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
