The sweetness of her voice carried over the phone as we discussed a time to meet. I could hear unspoken nerves waivering through. She’s working through something, I thought to myself. I wonder what her story is.

“I would never do this for myself.”

— Tia

Sitting across from each other for the first time, I could see Tia was finding a way to express exactly why she was there. “I would never do this for myself,” the words escaping her lips like the carbonation from an untapped bottle of soda. “I’m doing this for my boyfriend. He’s good to me - he’s too good to me.” Her fingers twisted her ring as she continued. “He thinks I’m beautiful. I’ve never thought I was - but he does and he wants nice pictures of me, pretty pictures. He wants me to see my pretty.”

A gentle smile overtaking my face, I was delighted she had the courage to meet with me. I could see what her boyfriend saw, the gentleness in her eyes, the warm glow of her skin, a sweet and nurturing spirit beaming from her. You could tell she loved the people in her life fiercely.

”How do you want to see yourself?” I asked, leaning in to hear her answer.

She stammered for a moment, not quite sure how to answer.

”It’s okay. Take your time. It’s a tough question to answer.”

Tia laughed nervously.

Her blue eyes studied me intently. ”I want to feel good about myself. I want to look young and fresh - how I feel inside. I want to see how Tom sees me. I want to see I’m beautiful.” Her answer was monotone but earnest.

”What makes someone beautiful to you?” I prompted, further delving into how she may want to get to know herself.

The sun began to set behind the treeline as she began to answer. A ray of light splayed across her golden hair as she said “Oh, I don’t know. I think when people are happy. I think Happy is beautiful.”

The soft smile on my face grew. “I like that. When are you happiest?”

Tia went on to explain how Tom made her feel, how she’d been in difficult relationships before with people who always wanted more or better from her even when she was trying her hardest. Her cheeks flushed as she talked about how he treated her like a princess, how he loved her and doted on her and how she couldn’t believe she’d met someone who cherished her. It made her start to feel differently about herself, a change I could even see unfolding right in front of my eyes as her shoulders relaxed and her face became more animated as she talked about her time with Tom.

She was ready to start loving herself.

My youtube channel makes some interesting suggestions sometimes. Most of the time it suggests diy projects, photography, Ellen, sharks and acrylic pours. It also occasionally suggests uplifting content. Most recently, one of the "What Would You Do" videos, headlined "Teen Wanting to Look Whiter," popped up. Heart strings tugged and interest in this social experiment drew me in.

In the video, two young black girls are discussing skin bleaching. The girls are actors attempting to instigate reactions from the surrounding people. Unfamiliar with these practices and unfamiliar with cultural standards, I really wasn't sure which direction these reactions would go.

The more responses that were shared, the larger the lump in my throat grew. This one gentleman compassionately responded how I wish anyone would respond to any person dealing with an insecurity or pressure like this.

"You don't think you're fine just the way you are?" After explaining his own experience with his aunts' skin bleaching and cautioning them about safety, he shared a beautiful perspective.

"See, there's different shades of beauty."

That sums it up right there. Beauty isn't just one thing or one type of person. Beauty is more than can be put on a box or a magazine cover and sold.

As a photographer, I see this struggle for self value and confidence in many of my clients. As a woman, as a human, I see these same struggles in myself. While my struggles were different than what the video is about, I wish I'd met someone with this compassion who could have shared with me what this man shared with these girls. No one should feel like they are “less than.”

This video, this story, goes to show how much we can impact each other - how much we influence each other's understanding of value and of beauty. Be kind with your words and actions, Friends.

As you go forward today, friend, know that you are perfect just the way you were created and, above all, know that you are loved.

(You can watch his whole interaction starting at 3:06 if you want. He does go on to share some other meaningful and compassionate insight.)

Social experiment focused on the standards of beauty when it comes to skin color | Skin bleaching | self value | beauty standards | self confidence | self hate | body issues | identity | young girls believing they’re worthless