Today, a specific sentiment sits on my heart heavier than usual.
All of us have something we don't like about ourselves. We hide it, mask it, put concealer over it, wear certain clothes and colors because of it. We are hyper aware of what WE see in the mirror staring back at us. It can be SO HARD for us to see the beauty in ourselves that others so readily see.
I believe there's still a wide-eyed little kid tied to our self confidence no matter how old we get and they're listening to every word we say - unquestioningly.
In my position as a photographer, I hear those snide remarks masked as coy humor. I feel the pain behind your words knowing full well we just try to make the best of what we see as ugly. Because there's a deep, old pain of my own - a pain that told a little girl she'd never be as pretty as her sisters (or brother), a pain that told a little girl she looked like a bulldog, a pain that told a little girl no one would ever love her or see her as pretty because she was too pale, too ordinary, too fat, too awkward, too boyish, too toothy, too mundane, too grotesque.
I hear those jokes you make about yourself too and I hurt because I know you believe the lies and the little kid that's still inside of you hears those sentiments with unquestioning ears and I know, I just know, that they believe those lies too.
I want my space to be a safe space where you can talk about anything, share your struggles and confide your insecurities in me. But I also want to pull your mean sentiments out and hug them until they stop kicking and screaming and scratching and snarling and give in to the fact that you are loved EXACTLY as you are.
I wish you to know on an intrinsic level that you are beautiful, wonderfully designed and LOVED. 💞
Getting in front of the camera can be nerve-wracking. We want to look our best, feel our best, show up authentically.
We’ve been there.
That’s why I wanted to share some of our top tips for preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for your portrait session so you can walk through it with confidence.
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1) Affirmations
As an introvert and wallflower, affirmations are some of my favorite ways to help prepare myself for, well, whatever I have to do. From meeting new clients to networking or giving a presentation, I’ve found a way to use affirmations to help me prepare and calm my nerves.
First, write out your fears.
Then, examine each of your fears, line by line and find a way to flip it positively.
For example, when I am giving a presentation, I find myself with a common fear.
Fear : I’m afraid my voice will shake.
Affirmation : I am good at what I do and know what I’m talking about.
This affirmation reminds me that I have all the reason in the world to stand confidently in front of a group of people.
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2) Prepare your wardrobe a few days ahead of time.
I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been running behind because I had an outfit in mind for the next day only to discover it’s dirty and I can’t wear it.
(My mother would roll her eyes and sigh because this is the story of my life)
I’ve known many of my clients to have found themselves in a similar situation. Usually, that means they’re a bit frazzled by the time they show up to the studio because the stress of throwing together a last minute outfit just piled on to their nerves about being in front of a camera.
So, it never hurts to have your items washed, ironed and set aside with their accessories a day or two before your session.
3) Collaborate with us!
If you’ve worked with us before, you already know this is a huge part of how we work. It’s SO important for us to be on the same page about everything - your goals for your session, your wardrobe, your hair and makeup, how much time your session will take - all of it.
We’d rather you “spam” us with ideas and Pinterest hair and makeup and snapshots of outfits you’re considering.
Seriously, preparation takes A LOT of the nerves out of your emotions.
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4) Minimize your caffeine intake right before your session
Okay, don’t be mad! I love my coffee and teas as much as the next hustling boss babe but, I also know that caffeine can heighten your nerves if you’re already on edge. So just be aware of what your body needs that day.
5) Seek rest the day before.
I know you have tasks galore on your plate because you’re a small business owner working hard for your success. So, when it’s possible, make time to add in some additional quality rest the day before your session. Maybe that’s a good night’s sleep or a relaxing activity like stretching or journaling.
*BONUS TIP! *
If you can make your schedule allow it, provide yourself with empty grace time before and after your session. This way, you won’t be feeling like you have to rush to come and see us or get antsy to leave because you have your next task on your mind. Set aside a flexible time for you!
Alright, you amazing boss, now that you have our insider tips, you’ve got this. Seriously, you’re going to rock your session! Believe in yourself and the amazing things you’re capable of accomplishing.
We’ll see you in the studio soon!
You may have heard me change my tune a bit when it comes to self care. Previously, I posted a quote on Instagram that says "Self care is more than chocolates and bubble baths" and it started an interesting dialogue. There was a comment on my post said in jest, however, it instigated me to reflect. It's not that I've changed my mindset about self care. I've just grown my definition of it and, with that reflection, I've decided there was a lot more I wanted to say on the subject.
We're often told that self care is taking "me time" and enjoying bubble baths with a glass of wine or having a spa day and eating chocolates. I believe full-heartedly in the pampering side of self care. In fact, if I could be writing this from my bath tub filled with steaming water, bubbles to my chin, soaking in my lavender salts with a wine glass in hand, well, I wouldn't turn that opportunity down. Here's the thing though, even though the pampering type of self care is predominately what's out in the market, that self care isn't a solution. It's a delicious dessert at the end of a hearty meal but it's not the main course.
So, what does that mean "self care" actually is?
Recently, I've grown to realize that self care is taking action and making decisions that better your life and/or help you become the best version of yourself. Like all things, that means different actions for different people. For me, part of that means taking time to get outside and hike in the quiet of a mountain side, it means exploring, delving into new details and stories. It means structuring where I invest my time so I can give people the best of me. I tend to want to do everything. Fact is, I can't. I have limited energy and limited mental capacity. If I spread myself too thin or don’t recharge out in the backcountry, I'm not only wearing myself down but I'm not giving the best of me to those who truly need my investment.
Over the next few month’s you’ll likely see a few changes in my business; changes that may seem odd but that, in the end, will help me better serve you - my clients. I’m excited to see how this process evolves! I have a good feeling about where I’m heading and how I’m going to show up for you.
You all are the best. (Seriously) Thank you for your love and support! I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
Hugs,
Alyson
"I never thought this whole aging thing would affect me... but it really has. Probably because of the toxic relationship I was in - so I feel and look much older than I probably would have. I didn't take care of myself because of the stress and depression I was going through at the time. My body, skin, hair, nails, face - pretty much everything in a matter of just a few years has changed drastically. The stress didn't help." Her story resounded with a deep note in my heart, a pain I carried for years. That voice still clear in my own head "you are worthless."
You see, our brains are wired to find proof and come to conclusions. Two plus two equals four, an equation that comes to the exact same conclusion every time. Therefore, this equation, this conclusion is proof and truth. We are told "the earth is round;" We are taught foundational truths about how life works, what is important and what is unimportant. We are shown photographs, charts, personal experiences, all this data that supports the claim that we are worthless, that we are ugly, that we are less than. The more often we hear these statements and the more people we hear them from, our brain and our understanding and our beliefs accept "The Earth is round - this is fact."
“We believe that it must be true, that we are worthless and no one cares.”
When we are told time and again, "you are worthless," "you're not smart," "you're ugly," "no one cares about you," "you're a waste of space" "you're too old to be pretty" our brains begin to wire themselves to that belief system. We believe that it must be true because the equation adds up to the conclusion that we are worthless and no one cares. Our perspective and perception is influenced and we begin to act from those beliefs. For each person, the pain of not mattering looks different. It can be manifested in depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts and attempts. It can be manifested in obsessive weight gain or weight loss, plastic surgery glorification, constant appearance maintenance, appearance and action compulsion. We desperately seek to prove the conclusion wrong by altering ourselves and seeking other measures of success and worth.
As women, we are often told that we don't measure up, that we aren't capable. We are given specific standards to live up to - standards that eliminate the benefits of a diverse gender. Once we hit 27, we're no longer "pretty." Once we're in our 30's we'd better try and "rescue our youth." Once we hit 40, we're just bitter hags. Once we're 50, we're gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves. All of these standards combined with toxic environments, self doubt and insecurities leave as wanting to be more or something different and forgetting that we are wonderful creatures.
“Once we hit 27, we’re no longer “pretty.” Once we’re in our 30’s we’d better try and “rescue our youth.” Once we hit 40, we’re just bitter hags. Once we’re 50, we’re gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves.”
It can be painful and difficult to remember who we REALLY are and who we were created to be when so many factors are tearing at us. Seek out people who will surround you with love and positivity. Celebrate yourself; celebrate being you. You ARE beautiful. You have worth Embrace how you feel - the good and the bad thoughts; honor and love on those feelings and know that you are not alone, KNOW that you are loved deeply. This transformation is going to accentuate the beauty you already possess. You'll get there. Keep fighting. Keep your head up. Keep loving on you.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
