There's a fire that's burned since 1962 in a small town in Pennsylvania called Centralia. Originally a coal mining town, Centralia was once full of life. Nearly sixty years ago now, Centralia's thriving promise took a devastating turn when a coal vein caught fire. As coal veins run deep into the earth, the fire has had an endless source of fuel to feed on. Now, the town is mostly abandoned save a few dwindling members. The ground has become unstable the longer the fire has continued to burn out the layers beneath. The air constantly stinks of smoke and ash. It's truly a sorrowful situation.

We've all been wronged. We've all been betrayed and demeaned. Many of us have been hurt by our closest loved ones. That pain? It can run deep. There's a conscious moment where we decide what to do with our pain. We can either forgive and work through it or we can wallow in it and let it fester.

Festering pain leads to bitterness which will run deep within us, just like a burning coal vein. It will eat away at our joy, happiness and the positive aspects of who we are. If we let it, it will consume us. We will reek of anger and disparity repelling our friends and family. We will collapse from within and our lives will be hollow and lonely.

Forgiveness is powerful. It can be the more difficult choice but it is life changing. It releases you, it releases the person who wronged you. It builds your character and impact instead of tearing you down.

Bitterness is a choice just as much as forgiveness. If you don't release if, it's going to eat you away.

"I never thought this whole aging thing would affect me... but it really has. Probably because of the toxic relationship I was in - so I feel and look much older than I probably would have. I didn't take care of myself because of the stress and depression I was going through at the time. My body, skin, hair, nails, face - pretty much everything in a matter of just a few years has changed drastically. The stress didn't help." Her story resounded with a deep note in my heart, a pain I carried for years. That voice still clear in my own head "you are worthless." 

You see, our brains are wired to find proof and come to conclusions. Two plus two equals four, an equation that comes to the exact same conclusion every time. Therefore, this equation, this conclusion is proof and truth. We are told "the earth is round;" We are taught foundational truths about how life works, what is important and what is unimportant. We are shown photographs, charts, personal experiences, all this data that supports the claim that we are worthless, that we are ugly, that we are less than. The more often we hear these statements and the more people we hear them from, our brain and our understanding and our beliefs accept "The Earth is round - this is fact."

“We believe that it must be true, that we are worthless and no one cares.”

When we are told time and again, "you are worthless," "you're not smart," "you're ugly," "no one cares about you," "you're a waste of space" "you're too old to be pretty" our brains begin to wire themselves to that belief system. We believe that it must be true because the equation adds up to the conclusion that we are worthless and no one cares. Our perspective and perception is influenced and we begin to act from those beliefs. For each person, the pain of not mattering looks different. It can be manifested in depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts and attempts. It can be manifested in obsessive weight gain or weight loss, plastic surgery glorification, constant appearance maintenance, appearance and action compulsion. We desperately seek to prove the conclusion wrong by altering ourselves and seeking other measures of success and worth.

As women, we are often told that we don't measure up, that we aren't capable. We are given specific standards to live up to - standards that eliminate the benefits of a diverse gender. Once we hit 27, we're no longer "pretty." Once we're in our 30's we'd better try and "rescue our youth." Once we hit 40, we're just bitter hags. Once we're 50, we're gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves. All of these standards combined with toxic environments, self doubt and insecurities leave as wanting to be more or something different and forgetting that we are wonderful creatures. 

“Once we hit 27, we’re no longer “pretty.” Once we’re in our 30’s we’d better try and “rescue our youth.” Once we hit 40, we’re just bitter hags. Once we’re 50, we’re gruff, abrasive and too big for ourselves.”

It can be painful and difficult to remember who we REALLY are and who we were created to be when so many factors are tearing at us. Seek out people who will surround you with love and positivity. Celebrate yourself; celebrate being you. You ARE beautiful. You have worth  Embrace how you feel - the good and the bad thoughts; honor and love on those feelings and know that you are not alone, KNOW that you are loved deeply. This transformation is going to accentuate the beauty you already possess. You'll get there. Keep fighting. Keep your head up. Keep loving on you.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

— Psalm 139:13-16

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I don't think I could ever become tired of this song. It's so powerful and encouraging - talk about getting some serious #strongwoman vibes here!

Andra Day - Rise Up (Lyrics)

You're broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry go round
And you can't find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousands times again
For you

When the silence isn't quiet
And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we'll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
We'll take it to its feet
And move mountains

And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
For you

All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
We will rise
We will rise
We'll rise, oh oh
We'll rise

I'll rise up
Rise like the day
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousands times again
And we'll rise up
Rise like the waves
We'll rise up
In spite of the ache
We'll rise up
And we'll do it a thousands times again
For you

We hide pain in the weirdest places
Broken souls with smiling faces
Fighting for surrender
For now and the after
Just look around and you'll see that people
Are scared to say how they really feel
We all need a little honesty

You are loved
If your heart's in a thousand pieces
If you're lost and you're far from reason
Just look up, know you are loved
Just look up, and know you are loved
When it feels like somethings missing
If it hurts but you can't find healing
Just look up, know you are loved
Just look up, know you are loved. ooh

We're not made to be superheroes,
Photoshopped, all size zeroes
We're a light not expected
But not quite perfected yet.
Look up see the sun is shining
There's hope on a new horizon
Calling you, calling...

You don't have to prove yourself
Don't try to be someone else

You are loved.


"You are Loved"
Stars Go Dim